the heart laid bare

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HACKED BY KATENBAD
No Apology
the thunder
tinder
VERBAL PORTRAIT OF A CAT OWNER
critical shortage
the sky we thought we knew
CIRCA SOLEM
almanac
baby
dearest orlando
FIVE MONTHS
A LETTER TO THE UNDESERVING
cactus heart
would we
the fall of giants
paradise lost
Dad
after you've gone
time
a smile from the eyes
trepidation
why so cold
fix this
swallow me
untitled 8
insular
cry alone
robin
quicksand
laces
D.I.S.C.
stripped
waving goodbye
your open eyes
enemy within
mortal
untitled 4
sleepless
HACKED BY KATENBAD
untitled 9
come dream with me
in the face of adversity
one word
the dark of the night
untouchable
one and one makes two
you burn me
see me
this shaken core
my lover
helen
my room
his words
foolish
rita
chalk drawings
the longest night
stupid skeleton
CLOTHES MAKETH
FIRST LASTS
STELLAR
TODAY
I WATCHED A MAN DIE TODAY
THREE WEEKS
this slippery slope
untitled 5
Arrows
First Kiss
The Talk Of Love
Nicotine
Blackout


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HACKED BY KATENBAD

HACKED BY KATENBAD404.html
EXI2T CYBER TEAM
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Indonesia Defacer Rules
==~TUSBOLD BY KATENBAD ~==

Work Hard Play harder :)

Contact me:retcceh1337@gmail.com


© mjc 3 June 2005

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No Apology

In one swift stroke you brought down your axe
And cut away a piece of the ground I stood on.
In one swift stroke, tilting the earth
That was already unbalanced -
For there were places left too empty
And I wasn’t enough for them by myself.
 
As I tumbled forever Alice-like down that rabbit-hole,
Filling the air with stories of myself,
I could only hope that you would understand
That I had to look inward to watch for cracks and crevices
In my oh-so-brittle shell.
I did not –
Do not still –
Have the strength to watch my watchtowers.
So I did not notice
That amongst those eyes that shone vigilant at the borders
There were some that blinked and turned their backs.
 
And there were words that hurt to say and hurt more to hear;
Tiny barbs flung thoughtlessly from my lips
To stick upon the meat of me, 
While in growing consternation I watched
Far too late to catch them before they fell.
I could not seem to catch them before I fell;
I could not seem to catch myself at all.
 
Would you have had me fall silent?
My bitten tongue plummeting to lie still in the dirt?
Would you have had me stand and drown in the choking waves
Of my own wounded blood?
Or pin a plastic smile to my face,
Dress myself up in tainted greasepaint and lies,
And play make-believe for my audience while the poison slowly killed me?
Would you have had me perching forever in your fair-weather dock
Pretending that it wasn't raining?
 
No.
I will not apologise for my grief.
And I am not sorry that it changed me so drastically...
Sometimes to encourage the strongest growth,
Everything you know
Must burn to the ground.
 

© mjc 20 March 2017

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the thunder

[potential anxiety trigger warning]

There is thunder on the inside edges of my ribs.
 
I have been laid here in this place
With cold feet and trembling hands,
And staked to the earth
Like a wilted climbing rose in the middle of no man’s land.
Watching with eyes too tired to cry
And bones too weary to pull against the fetters,
And ears upon which fall grating even the sweetest of sounds.
 
There is thunder on the inside edges of my ribs
And stifling stone upon my throat.
 
The battle cries rise high into the air,
Standards are flown,
And spears clash upon shields
As the onslaught begins.
Rushing waves of boots and bayonets
Crash and meet, and separate, and crash again.
As the sightless dead slowly pile up around me
Like vines reclaiming ruins,
They block the sun and bury me in blackness.
I haven’t the strength to fight their weight
For a tiny glimpse of sky.
 
There is thunder on the inside edges of my ribs
And stifling stone upon my throat,
And earthquakes in my head that unsteady my stride.
 
Each day I wake from restless sleep
To pour sulpha into yesterday’s wounds,
And strap myself together with field bandages.
Each day, with my trembling hands,
I fasten the straps of imperfect armour,
Gather twine and stakes,
And begin with tremulous steps
My forced march to the battlefield.
Each day knowing I will lie helpless in the path of pitched battles
Fought on every front.
 
Steeling myself for the crushing noise of battle 
And the pierce of the stake
And the too-tight binding against my aching wrists,
I make my way to no-man’s land
With thunder on the inside edges of my ribs.
 
This war is far from won.


© mjc 17 February 2017

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tinder

You slide smoothly between red-painted lips
With unfamiliar hands upon your thighs that slightly shake as you delve into the unknown.
A twitch and a gasp in a darkened room,
And a silent search for keys
By the moonlight leaking in through someone else’s window.
 
We are so cautious, so careful
Playing minesweeper with every step.
Hold your cards close to your chest and for god’s sake don’t let them see if you have any hearts.
You’re judging resumes based upon the appeal of the stamp on the envelope.
And you grasp at these tiny sparks that could become flames,
But you’re too eager and you’re afraid
And you smother them with the sweat of your body.
You bare your skin to a stranger without a second thought,
Even as you wrap your heart in snow clothes and Kevlar.
 
This jungle of flesh is so tempting,
But you’ve stayed too long
And you’ve strayed from your path.
Every berry you have sampled from every bush you have passed
Has slowly poisoned you.
You don’t even realise you’ve been dying by inches for years.
 
And as your fists sprout little tufts of dark hair that flow like blood toward your wrists,
You sigh and slide smoothly between red-painted lips
Before you even think to ask her name.
 

© mjc 10 February 2017

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Biography

Daughter, sister, aunt, godmother, friend, public servant; self-confessed hermit, confirmed cat person, sporadic baker, irreformable yarncrafter, voracious reader; occasional wit, voluble shower vocalist, frequent sacrifice on the altar of brain-to-mouth filter fails, random shit-slinger, unrepentant purveyor of puns and dad jokes, writer and poet.

I have always lived by the theory that no matter what you do for a living - if you are compelled to write, if you wake up in the night to scrawl the contents of your dreams on a notebook beside the bed, if no event in your life seems complete without you recording it, if you are drawn to comment upon the world - then you are a writer.

These are my words.